How Should I Feel?

I wish I knew how I'm supposed to feel sometimes. I'm an adult. I have my Hubbeast. I have a great home. But the fact is I still feel unfulfilled even though I am happy (most of the time) and healthy (again, most of the time). Work is what it is; it's a four-letter word. And I can say with certainty that being an ordained minister has its own rewards. But I don't feel like it's enough.

You see, I have just realized that my purpose is not being completely fulfilled. I want to be able to foster animals so they can find their forever homes. Sadly, I live in a one-bedroom apartment, with which I share with the Hubbeast, whom, if you don't already know, is disabled. I want to be able to have a house. I want to be able to travel. And want to be able to nourish my soul's desire. Sadly, that may not be a possibility. At least, not right now.

I know it seems like a lot. And yes, it might be. But it's a dream that I have had. And I want to be able to bring it to fruition. I am at the point in my life where money isn't that big of a deal.

And on another vein, I don't have contact with my kids, and I haven't spent time with them, much less seen them, in nearly a decade. My ex has been controlling and in order to protect them, I had to go no contact. It hasn't been easy. I am terrified that my kids hate me, but now that they're adults, and too much time has passed, I need to find peace. I need to reach out and build a new and healthy relationship with them while still keeping my peace.

Thank you for reading, dearies. We'll chat soon.