Grief and the Passing of My Grandparents

So I need to get this off my chest. I am going to preface this post by saying that this is going to be a sad one. That being said, let's crack into it.

To start, if you haven't been blessed with having grandparents, I am truly sorry.  I was lucky enough to have both paternal and maternal grandparents up to 2017 and 2018 (my paternal grandmother died early that year).  The sad thing is they all died within 9 months.  Yes, you read that right.  It was heartbreaking to say the least, especially in the way that my maternal grandparents passed.  I was super close to them, specifically my grandmother (whom I called Grandma).  She was a strong woman, and I looked up to her.  Even now, she is still my hero.  She was patient, kind, and super caring.  But if you messed with her family, her inner lioness came out.  Sorry for the lame pun, but you would make it too if your grandmother was a Leo.  But I digress.

Anyway, leading up to Grandpa's (what I called my maternal grandfather) death, he started falling down a lot, which worried Grandma, so of course, he was taken to the hospital.  Within the span of time that he was in that hospital, he lost a lot of weight and his mind was mostly gone.  The day went to see him for the last time, he was not the strong man I knew and loved, and my heart was broken.  My aunt, mother, and grandmother were in the room, and my mother and my aunt had to tell me to hold it together and be strong for Grandma.  As we found out later, they had found a tumor in his brain stem, and with him being at the age of 95 years, there was really no way to operate.  He ended up dying October 3rd, 2017.

Grandma's death is a little more metaphysical, or ethereal.  I really don't know what word to use to describe this, as it still hits me every time Grandma's birth and death days come up on the calendar.  She was already going through some health issues during this time too, as she too was in and out of the hospital.  But towards the end, she was pretty heartbroken about the love of her life being 6 feet under, and she gave up.  She died of a broken heart, exactly a month to the day that Grandpa died, on November 3rd, 2017.

If it hadn't been for the support from the Hubbeast, I don't know how I would have gotten through this heartbreaking time. He really has been my rock, and it's no wonder because he loved the hell out of them, and they him.

Grammy and Grandpop, my paternal grandparents, were in a different situation altogether. I wasn't as close to them as I could've been, but I'd like to think that, as I have brought up in a previous post, they loved me. When Grandpop died, I learned new things about his life. It was eye-opening. I wish I could remember what had caused him to die. But over the 8 years since his passing, the memories of his passing have been mired in the fog that is my brain. I do miss him and Grammy. And I'm sad that they couldn't meet the man that became the Hubbeast. We could have had so much fun spending time together, talking about going to the casino or going down the Shore, and other things that I enjoyed in my childhood. Those memories haven't faded into obscurity, Thank the Gods. I'm sad that they are gone, but they will never be forgotten.

I was happy that I could say goodbye to my grandparents, but it still hurts to think they're no longer among the living, even after several years. But I try to find peace by honoring them every day, simply by living a good life. It doesn't help that I have preexisting depression, so when those anniversaries come around, melancholy sets in a lot harder. I can say that I'm grateful that I had the time I had with them. Thanks for letting me talk about my grief. Much love, dearies.

Small victories and fluffy bunnies