I Have Something to Say

I have to get this off my chest, and it has been a long time coming.  In order to express how I feel, this will be in two parts.

I want to apologize for the way I have been.  I know I haven't been the greatest person to be around.

To my parents, grandparents, and the rest of my family, I am sorry I was such a leech.  It is not an easy thing to admit.  Even now, as I try to write this, it is hard to put into words that, as much I want to deny it, I really wasn't doing anyone any favors, including myself, by not earning my own keep.  On a side note, I apologize especially to my mother for putting her in the middle of the feud that is going on between he-who-shall-remain-nameless and myself.  I know you are not thrilled with the current arrangement.

To the love of my life, I am sorry that you have suffered because of my inactivity.  I know I have not owned up to my part of our relationship.  I never meant to make you feel like I didn't care about anything that happened to you.  That was not my intention at all.

To everyone else, I am sorry if I was offensive with how I have acted, both in the past and in the present.  I own up to whatever I have done and choose to do things differently.

Now that I have apologized, I want to take the time to say thank you.

To my parents, grandparents, and the rest of my family, thank you for being awesome, even during the drama that I have caused.  I know I can be a pill at times, and I want to thank you for your patience.

To the love of my life, thank you for loving me, and for having my back during the good times, and all the bad times too.  And thank you for helping me figure out what my strengths are. Bonnie and Clyde.  Ride or Die, Baby!!

To everyone else, thank you for being a fixture in my life, in some way, shape, or form.  Every person that I have met has shaped me to be the woman that I am today, regardless of the drama that I have caused.

The point of all this is that this is my attempt to own up to my actions (or lack thereof).  I realize that this would seem like empty words coming from me, as I have said this before.  But at 32 years young, and yes, that is still young, things definitely need to change.  I have already taken steps in the right direction though.  I am going to college so I can have a great career.  I am also making the attempt to not dwell on the bad stuff that has happened in my life.  All I can do at this point in time is look it at as lessons to learn from.

I may be broken, but broken can be mended.  I admit that I need to fix my issues, and the only way I can do that is if I make the conscious effort to do it.  As I told my love the other day, "You can't fix me.  I have to fix me!"  He and my other loved ones only want me to do better.  It just took me a long time to see that.

But after reading this, those of you that know me best, like my family, are probably thinking "About freakin' time!!"  Keep me in your thoughts and prayers.  While I am making the effort to better myself, I will need encouragement from time to time.

And now, on that note, I have to make some more tea.  I have some things to do before I have to take the mister to work and I need the caffeine so I can get it done.  Oi vay!!

See y'all later.